The Magic of Making Mistakes: From “Oops” to “Aha”
Sometimes, the most important moments we learn are from the mistakes we make.
I was 26, a fresh PhD graduate, when I was offered the position as the youngest senior research analyst at an accountability, research, and evaluation department of a very big school district. I spent most of my time on tasks and did not put much effort into building relationships with peers. It worked when I was in academia. Huge mistake, I learned it the hard way.
A few months into the job, I was pulled aside by my supervisor because several colleagues complained that my emails were hostile, impolite, and they felt used whenever I put in a request. This came as a shock. As a result, I was monitored on all my email correspondence and it took me well over six months to find that delicate balance between clarity, politeness, and professionalism.
Different cultures and fields have varying expectations for politeness and formality, and can therefore influence your choice of tone. In retrospect, I have definitely mastered clarity (eh hem, to my detriment), but was clueless about the cultural and industry-specific norms. It was an unwelcome, but necessary, wake-up call.
Was I reluctant to admit my mistake? Hell yeah.
I’m going to go out on a limb and say I’m not alone when it comes to having a hard time admitting my mistakes. I was reluctant because I did not want to be perceived as incompetent. I was disinclined because society has imposed on us an imposter syndrome, nudges us toward fixed mindsets, and weights many people down with stereotype threats.
But this isn’t how mistakes should be viewed, because shying away from reflecting and articulating the mistakes we make, means giving up the opportunity for accelerated improvement and liberating ourselves from the discomfiting straitjacket of perfectionism.
In fact, learning to step back, analyze our mistakes, and use that new-found knowledge to fuel our growth can be one of the most powerful tools for achieving success.
To students who are struggling through high school, the college application process, or even college, here are some research-backed strategies to help you embrace these challenges and start to see them as opportunities to grow intellectually, emotionally, and socially. Learning is messy, and once you realize that failing is an integral part of this cycle, and that it does not define us, this process can begin to feel almost magically satisfying.
Approach challenges with a growth mindset
How we react to challenges is influenced by our mindset, and Stanford University psychologist, Carol Dweck, has demonstrated that success is not determined by ability, but by the beliefs and goals we bring to situations. According to Dweck, a growth mindset is the belief that the more you stretch yourself, the more your ability grows, which creates resiliency, and will ultimately enhance performance in the long-run. In other words, mistakes are valuable tools for success. Next time you feel like you’re drowning, take a deep breath, and tell yourself, “This is part of the process, I just haven’t mastered it … yet.”
Seek feedback on your performance – the good and the bad
Effective learning requires continuous monitoring of your own performance. While we could use self-reflection as a strategy for feedback, we are often biased because we tend to look for evidence to support what we want to believe. The best way around this is to pay equal attention to feedback on what worked and what did not work. Mistakes are part of the feedback, not a verdict. Step outside of yourself, analyze your mistakes in an objective fashion, and figure out what and how to improve the next time around.
Reconnect with your values
Allow yourself to feel what you feel. It is normal to feel disappointment, grief, frustration, sadness or something else entirely. Your feelings are valid. Then, rather than judging yourself, think about what you truly value about yourself. Dig deep and figure out what matters to you, and reframe the situation. Say you tried a new project and it did not work. Instead of seeing it as a failure, maybe you see it as in line with your value of taking risks and being open to trying new things.
The bottom line is: failure doesn’t mean you’re broken or that nothing will ever be good again. It might mean things are just different. It’s a process for you to discover who you are and what you want to pursue.